1 year.

It is absolutley how amazing to see how things can so drastically change in a year.

1 year ago I was depressed, majorly depressed, hating my job, hating my life, on anti-depressants for the 12th year straight, stupidly obsessed with unavailable guys, overweight, bloated, unhappy.

My head was just noisy all the time - worrrying, thinking, debating, hating, crying, putting me down. I had no hope for the future - after all, the bookshelf full of self-help books hadn't really acheived much so far.

Don't get me wrong - there were glimmers of hope here and there but each time things would fail again, as they inevitably did, it was getting harder and harder to get back up.

Fast Forward a year. Yesterday I spent the day with friends. It was filled with cake, breakky, coffee, love, songs, sunshine, drives, pizza, yoga, cards, happiness.

I have a whole new bunch of friends. I am off anti-depressants. I have clear skin. I have a smile (more often than before!) on my face. I have lost weight. My mind is a lot quieter than it has ever been. I don't want to top myself. I have hope. I enjoy my job. I have prospects. Overall, I'd even say "I'm happy". All of this because a year ago I stopped drinking and started working hard at life.

IT's been the hardest year of my life. Without a doubt. I'm facing up to things I've found to painful to deal with in the past. It's tiring and trying and I've cried lots but I also have been more honest - to others and to myself - than ever before. I have had (and am having) intensive therapy and I'm only just starting to get into some very deep and uncomfortable parts of my life and my being, to uncover and grow and move forward. And it's the most crazy, exhilerating, hard, joyful, simple time of my life.

What a ride! x

Becoming a "grown up"

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”~ Anais Nin

To blossom - each person's definition of blossoming would be slightly different but I suppose for most of us it'd be about becoming bright, unfurling to our full potential. Getting organised to finally get private health insurance might not exactly be what Anais Nin meant by blossoming, but for me, it's just another small step on my path to becoming a grown up.

For me, this past year has been all about these 'small' steps - which when you add them all up, become a wonderful strong journey. Small steps like getting health insurance, paying off a credit card, holding yoga workshops, furthering my study, getting a pay rise at work... which all add up to getting it together, aka Growing Up. For me, these things are all about me blossoming - opening up.

We often think that to be a success we need to achieve and get this and that and do amazing astounding things.. and in doing so we can forget about the day to day things that actually are pretty darn shiny.

Take a moment to think about your year so far and be excited peeps - be excited about the seemingly ordinary, the seemingly 'everyday' - which when you add them up, become the most important life of all: YOUR life : )

Enjoy x

Hahahah heehee

Dove :: Onslaught

What if married people were treated like Singles?

Owners of the singles advocate blog, Onely, came up with this list of the types of statements couples would be forced to endure:
"Don't worry, you'll get a divorce someday."
"Oh, you're married? I'm so sorry!"
"You're so great - how come you're still married?"
"It's OK to be married for a while but eventually you need to grow up and become single."
"You're so lucky to be married and not have as much responsibility."
"But don't you feel bad not having a life, seeing as you're married?"
"When are you going to get a divorce?"
"It's so sad having to come home to a house with someone in it all the time."
"Well, I would've invited you to book group, except you're married and I thought you wouldn't want to be around all those happily single people."
"What's a beautiful woman like you doing married?"
From professorwhatif.wordpress.com

I LOVED reading this in the SMH yesterday. Giggle-worthy (and so true!!!).

Loving...

The Avett Brothers : )

Hope

hope⋅less  /ˈhoʊplɪs/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [hohp-lis] –adjective
1.providing no hope; beyond optimism or hope; desperate: a hopeless case of cancer.
2.without hope; despairing: hopeless grief.
3.impossible to accomplish, solve, resolve, etc.: Balancing my budget is hopeless.
4.not able to learn or act, perform, or work as desired; inadequate for the purpose: As a bridge player, you're hopeless.

While I was in the depths of depression, perhaps the scariest part of it was that I had no hope. Joy, happiness, love... all these emotions are vital and important but at least if you don't have them, and still have hope, you can get through the day. In my depression, I had no hope that I would ever have these things again - indeed, I had no inkling at all that things would change. It was a hard, heavy, very upsetting path to be on.

Hence I am so so so so over the moon and happy to say that things now are looking up. They're far from ideal but the turning point for me was that I now have HOPE again - Just an inkling of possibility that things might be different.

I had a mini melt-down this morning, just thinking about packing and moving and holding down a full time job and a part time yoga job all at the same time, all while having a cold.. but then spoke to a wise woman who said "just do it". Ha! That is so true! There is really no option but to just put my head down, and power through this upcoming week.

So here's to HOPE, to packing, to tissues and to YOU. Just do it!
x

photo credit: super hero journal

Hello, you GORGEOUS people!

Just curious, friends, when was the last time you looked into a mirror and addressed yourself as "Gorgeous," "Magnificent," or "Sublime"?
Friends, it matters.

Isn't that a beautiful sentiment? Dear friends, remind yourself daily of these ideas by signing up to Notes from the Universe. They'll make you smile!

Validation : )

Baking.. Throwing.. Baking

So tonight I'm off to a first birthday celebration and I'm on babycakes cupcake duty. I bought 3 packets (not quite up to the making from scratch stage yet) and got up bright and early to start baking. So homely! But alas, one batch done and only when I got to baking the 2nd batch did I realise I forgot to add the oil - hence my babycakes were more like baby ROCKS.
Throw!

Batch 2 is in the oven now, let's see how they go (fingers crossed!)

I've been a bit sick lately with a funky virus going round - it comes in waves, I feel good and then like death warmed up. Part of the reason I was also up so early this morning was because I wanted to go to Body Mind Life for a Power Yoga class - but it's just not going to happen, I feel my belly is going to explode. Blah. Not pretty, this funky sickness.

Felt pretty average yesterday too (came home sick from work on friday, when it all started) but did manage to pick up my special order from Phoenix Rising Books - my Voice of Knowledge audio cd's. Don Miguel Ruiz is someone you have to check out if you're not across him. We heard some of this CD in my recent yoga training and it was phenomenal - I just had to track it down! Whilst in the store, I also came across a fab collection of Pema Chodron cd's (a 3 set!) for meditation. Lucky I hadn't transferred $$ into my debit card account or I would have also purchased What About Me, the dvd. All good purchases - not so good for the debt payoff plan though.

However, I've commenced my mentoring course in yoga and need to up my personal practice, and timewise, meditation looks like the only practice I can fully commit to daily. So the cd's are great : )

Now.. off to ice some cupcakes. Much love x

I forgot my computer password

...and it feels GOOD!

I've been away on a yoga teacher training retreat with Baron Baptiste for the last week and I feel so wonderful, strong and powerful! I did a Jivamukti class this morning and did a jumpback from Bakasana to Chatarunga (one of my first!) and also side bakasana with extended legs - first time! Not only did I do them but I felt stable and strong, it was amazing!!!

The training meant a week without a computer, email, tv, mobile phone or newspapers (or coffee!)... and it was bliss. So when I jumped onto my computer just a moment ago to prepare some notes for the partner yoga workshop I'm teaching tomorrow, I had to think for a few moments to remember my password. Not that is a true sign of getting away from it all!

It was a little scary coming home and putting the tv on for the first time - one, because of the noise (what an assault!) but two, because of the devastation of the Victorian bushfires. Hundreds of people have lost their lives, and thousands of people have been affected. On the day prior to Love Day, pls be generous and give in any way you can - it doesn't just have to be $$. Some wonderful ideas are here.

Namaste x

You don't need $$$ to have FUN

Ohhh look at this magical site I came across! And just in time for the holidays around this expensive, present buying time of the year : )

Go on, check it out : )

I love pay day

Yes, I love pay day! Not for the fact that I have to pay debt off with a bunch of the income, but rather, that each month I get to see the debt go down just a teeny bit more.

And today I'm especially excited because I got a bonus at work, and although I nearly cried having to do it, I put half of it towards my loan and half of it towards my credit card (as well as my usual monthly repayments on them) and I'M OVER THE MOON to see the numbers slide even further down.

My initial loan that I got out years ago was for 10k. I now have just under $2000 left to repay! HOORAH! I am so excited!

I almost want to kick myself for getting into this mess but I am very happy to be able to see the finishing line .. a little way off. Like pantene, it may not happen overnight, but it will happen. Thank God!

It's OBAMA!!!

Just remember to...

Noodle Markets & Fun

I've been really busy lately. It seems we all have. Seriously - I need to take a breath! There have been awards celebrations + working till late + airport pickups + gigs with 10 000 italians + egos + early morning starts + yoga classes + noodle markets + new haircuts + so much more.

Art & About in Hyde Park - artworks in the outdoors!!!

Good Food Month & Night Noodle Markets!

Day trips to Spotlight to make eyepillows for yoga classes!

Water fountains in Hyde Park - a 2 minute walk from my office. Sometimes life can be smiley.

: )

Honey Honey - Feist

I wish I had a doggie

Today I was in Stacks of Wax, and was wondering around when I saw this cute little dog resting with his tennis ball in middle of the front window. I started talking to him.. and when he didn't growl or look angrily at me, I gave him a little pat. I love dogs.

Then I continued to walk around and lo and behold, the pup followed me round to the other side of the display and walked around and round my legs, looking up at me.. clearing asking for another pat : )

So as soon as I bent down, he lay down, turned on his belly and was ever so grateful for the belly rub. So so gorgeous.

Wouldn't it be so lovely to be a puppy and get all these cuddles and love from strangers, and give so much back?

x

29 Gifts Challenge

I recently discovered the most beautiful movement - a worldwide giving movement called 29 Gifts. What's it about? Well, as the title suggests, it's positive community helping to create a revival of the giving spirit in the world. I'm giving a gift to someone each day for the next 29 days. Simple!

There are already more than 2,000 people taking part from 37 countries and the goal is to grow the movement to 20,000 givers as soon as possible. Think you'd be keen to join in? Just sign up at 29 Gifts and commit to give away 29 gifts in 29 days. You can start your personal challenge any time, and your 29 Gifts can be anything... money, food, old clothes, smiles, your time, kind words or positive thoughts.
WHY SHOULD YOU DO THIS? To inspire more generosity on our planet. Because to see our world change, we have to do something to change our world. Plus, the best way to attract abundance into your own life is to be in a perpetual state of giving and gratitude.

x

Lunchtime in the sun

Welcome Spring!
Welcome lunch times in the park outside at work!
Welcome sun!