the power of a good cry

Last night I heard a friend talking about how he has just been crying so much lately - his dog died, his relationship with his partner ended, and lots of personal issues are cropping up.

He has balled on his own, he's balled on the phone, he's balled to his friends, he's balled in the car, he's balled to a therapist. It's been a festival of balling. But in that sorrow, he's found such release.

He talked about how he could never cry - on his own or in front of people; That he'd just hold it all up inside. But that in allowing himself to cry now, he's feeling as though he is processing his feelings - he's feeling his feelings.

I would say that most of us probably don't sit with our feelings all too often. I can confidently say that regarding myself, I am a master of not feeling - either by drinking too much (things are bad, I'll drink. Things are good, I'll have a drink. Things are whatever, I'll have a drink....), or by being constantly busy (full time job, plus part time work, for the last 10 years!!). But over the last couple of months with all my health issues and personal work (therapy) I am really starting to feel and man, is it hard! No wonder I don't like feeling!

The tears that have been released from my body are INSANE - I think between my pal above and I, we could have fixed the drought problem Australia is facing ;) But after the initial shock of allowing yourself to let go and just try to get in touch with your emotions (happiness, guilt, anger, rage, sadness, depression...), it's such a glorious feeling - to be ALIVE.

So yeh.. have been working really hard lately on getting my health up to scratch (vitamins have not been absorbed in my body for a LONG time) with some medications, some injections, many doctors visits, many therapists visits, and also lots of SLEEP. I have not stepped on a yoga mat for a couple of weeks, but I've done loads of meditation instead. That in itself is a big thing - just stopping : ) And today I actually feel like I could go and practice yoga again, in fact, I'm itching for it. That is a god sign!

I've also given up on the alcohol, so that in combination with actually living - wow, things are full on for me but also really exciting.

And for that, I am grateful : )

Lunchtime in the sun

Welcome Spring!
Welcome lunch times in the park outside at work!
Welcome sun!

What Cainer Says..

Scorpio – fri 12 sept

There are bars on every street corner selling liquor by the litre. Millions of people frequent them. The use of alcohol is so widely accepted in our society that its absence raises an eyebrow. Perhaps because it so famously desensitises its users, we forget that it is not the only source of intoxication. There are other more subtle, yet equally potent sources of inebriation. Smiles, for example. Loving looks and encouraging glances. You can have many happy hours this weekend, just by drinking in the sheer joy of good company.

Even more fitting.

What Cainer Says..

Thurs 11 Sept

A little kindness costs nothing. Even when we are in a hopeless situation we can be polite and gentle, mild mannered and understanding. Somewhere in your world now, a conflict has arisen. Trouble is brewing. Anxiety and anger have been stirred together into a kind of crisis cocktail. Those who are drinking it in, are becoming most unfortunately inebriated. You need to stay sober. If can only manage to keep your wits about you, you will see the silver lining that accompanies the current cloud. There ends your forecast. Here begins an important announcement. A study of your in depth horoscope, based on your exact birth details could really change your life for the better.

Very fitting.

Meditation

When I did my teacher training I got the hang of meditation. We did it so often that I really came to enjoy the practice - and found it not at all impossible to still my mind. Practice really did make (near) perfect!

But then life came along, and I stopped meditating so much.. and it's something I've been meaning to rectify.

I did go along to a phenomenal Yin Yoga & Meditation class a couple of weeks ago but since then that timing hasn't worked out for me. I'm definitely going to go back but in the meantime I've needed something to get me going.

Over the last couple of weeks I've started having panic attacks again - I used to get them years ago so went on a specific med that helped with anxiety as well as my depression.. and clearly they've stopped working! All in all I am going through a lot of personal stuff right now and with the rise of the panic attacks, what better time to find some peace wherever I can?

So this weekend I got up on a sunny Sunday and set my alarm for 5 minutes.. slow and small to start with. And WOW - what a pleasant surprise to find that it wasn't all that difficult after all? I did it again on Sunday night, and tonight - Monday, I did 10 minutes and nearly jumped out of my skin when my alarm went off (I really need to find a nice soothing alarm sound!)

I had to laugh when I heard a meditation teacher say once that people perceive the practice of meditation to be so hard, that they'll spend hours reading books on it and studying it.. all this time thinking about it - but no time practicing it. It's so true! So I'm hoping to continue with the practice - and fill my life with some much needed peace, in body and mind.

Need some help yourself? There are so many different types of meditation - from guided podcasts on the net, to classes in your area, to simply sitting down and focussing on a candle flame, or counting yr breath. I've learnt a few techniques in acupuncture that have been helpful to me - why not read up on some other ideas here, here or here?

xx

Today has been a long day

So I heard someone talking the other day and one thing they said in particular has completely stuck with me -> "I've gotten through the past 10 years with a self help book in one hand, and a glass of wine in the other"

After I stopped with the belly laughing I really thought about this and wonder why it is that I'm always LOOKING - looking for the answer, looking for something to fill that void I can't help but feel, lookingfor whatever it is that will make me feel ok about being me.

I have read so many self-help books and done so much bloody therapy that I should be an enlightened being by now but still, I'm so so far off. Soooo far off.

But that said, I'm still going ok. I'm working through things and each day I find out more and more about myself. Yet I do wonder if one ever stops 'looking'? I mean, do YOU have this thing about continual searching? I have no idea.. is it just me?

*Sigh*

Listen to this: Adem - Loro (Pinback Cover)