1 year.

It is absolutley how amazing to see how things can so drastically change in a year.

1 year ago I was depressed, majorly depressed, hating my job, hating my life, on anti-depressants for the 12th year straight, stupidly obsessed with unavailable guys, overweight, bloated, unhappy.

My head was just noisy all the time - worrrying, thinking, debating, hating, crying, putting me down. I had no hope for the future - after all, the bookshelf full of self-help books hadn't really acheived much so far.

Don't get me wrong - there were glimmers of hope here and there but each time things would fail again, as they inevitably did, it was getting harder and harder to get back up.

Fast Forward a year. Yesterday I spent the day with friends. It was filled with cake, breakky, coffee, love, songs, sunshine, drives, pizza, yoga, cards, happiness.

I have a whole new bunch of friends. I am off anti-depressants. I have clear skin. I have a smile (more often than before!) on my face. I have lost weight. My mind is a lot quieter than it has ever been. I don't want to top myself. I have hope. I enjoy my job. I have prospects. Overall, I'd even say "I'm happy". All of this because a year ago I stopped drinking and started working hard at life.

IT's been the hardest year of my life. Without a doubt. I'm facing up to things I've found to painful to deal with in the past. It's tiring and trying and I've cried lots but I also have been more honest - to others and to myself - than ever before. I have had (and am having) intensive therapy and I'm only just starting to get into some very deep and uncomfortable parts of my life and my being, to uncover and grow and move forward. And it's the most crazy, exhilerating, hard, joyful, simple time of my life.

What a ride! x